A Blog is Born
Being 52 weeks away from the same age my mother was when she succumbed to brain cancer, is weighing on me heavily. I have had many years to think about her passing, 24 to be exact. A few years ago I passed the milestone of living more years on this earth without her, than with her. She was 47 years old when she died, seemingly ancient, in my then, 22 year old mind. Yet so very, VERY young, in my now, 46 year old understanding. She was not there for my college graduation, or my wedding day, or present for any of my children being brought into this world. Her life ended before mine really began. She did not get a time span adequate enough to pass along important details to me, for in my youth, I was not listening. Attempts to recall meaningful moments of her quiet life, have faded over the years, only a few nuggets remaining from younger years spent trying to be nothing like my mother.
As my age creeps up, I feel a desire to release stiffening weathered bits and pieces, growing ridges inside of me from traumatic storms of my past. I am challenging these unwelcome ruts. Defying their grooves, dug deep into my heart. A heart that wants deeper warmth. Needs infinite hope. Demands ultimate freedom.
if 52 weeks IS the remaining space I have on this earth to create a life I believe worthy to live,
if 52 weeks IS what is left to say and do important things with the ones I love,
if 52 weeks IS the last of how the rest of the world sees who I was, what I stood for, why I made the choices I did,
…..then I had better get started!
I will have many reminders to keep me on track throughout this 52 week roadmap. I have 2 baskets, one empty, and one filled with 52 items that were my mum’s or were given to me by her. I will set these in a central part of my home, to visually remind myself of the reflections and actions I must take throughout the weeks.
Each week, one item will be chosen and used daily during that week, then placed into the other basket. At the end of 52 weeks, the empty basket will be full, and I will have reached my destination. There will also be sticky notes, mantras, theme songs, all on the agenda for making this a fun, enlightening, and ultimately impactful year for myself and any others who might choose to take this journey with me.
I have many fears of failing, not being able to commit to this course, some feelings or discoveries being too daunting or scary to face. Not to mention finding the time it takes to record and evaluate any outcomes for a successful completion of this undertaking. But I close my eyes, breath deep, listen to a dialogue sounding from deep within. It is a calling that has been waiting for an answer, and fear slips away. It must be now.
No more waiting. No more wondering if this IS my best life. No more wondering if I can BE my best. I can. I must. I have 52 weeks to discover it.
Finding 52 Begins HERE