Smart Like US….

Hello Week 43, and hello to all those excellent mathematicians who are wondering how 52 Weeks could be taking so long to complete.  Maybe leap year is to blame….or maybe it is a techy timewarp conundrum….OR maybe I am counting in ‘whale’ years….YES….whale years are very long….in which case, I am actually ahead of schedule by about 16 decades!

Coincidentally, Finding 52 shares its name with another online entity, a whale watching group, based on searches scientists have conducted to find some very unique and mysterious whales….whose songs have been recorded at a higher than usual level, 52 Hertz….hence the name.

I do not have a higher than average singing voice….quite the opposite….which might be the point at which this analogy breaks down, but here is what I know so far:

Whales sing – I sing.

Whales are social creatures – Me too!

Whales attract the opposite sex with their voices – Ditto….and sometimes, I do it on ‘porpoise’….haha!

Whales are monogamous – Despite what my ex has claimed, I am definitely in this category.

Whales have a lot of offspring and live in large groups – Did I mention my 5 kids?

And then there is whale time.

I think I have lived most of my life taking longer than the average person to arrive at desired destinations.  I wear a watch and try to respect its role of fitting things neatly into order, for me and the intersecting lives of others, so it truly brings no pleasure to have people waiting for me to arrive.  Yet somehow, it is in my DNA….a fascinating, frustrating characteristic that has ebbed and flowed through all my breathing days.  Slow, but covering great distances….like my whale friends….so if you are waiting on me to finish this 52 Week mission….anxious to know the end of this exploration….take heart.  We are getting there!

If you were counting….52 Weeks was technically complete about a month ago, meaning I have officially made it!  Living longer than Mum did, and still dreaming up my best life.

WOOHOO!

So, I push on….tardy, but spry….through the last few topics, hoping to understand more pieces of the mystery that clutter my past, collide with the present and create my future.

YOU is Smart, is where I left things last, convinced that I must quiet myself in order to listen to love and wisdom.  To build upon that, I kept listening and wondered how many things in my life would have turned out differently, had I been Smart enough to listen sooner….

Uncle Mike said:

Sing country music.  You could go far.  No thanks, Uncle.  I am not a fan.  But he was right.  That genre was waiting for a big female artist boom….and it came….about the same time I would have completely paid any proper performing dues….oh well.  Blog and work night shift….that is my rock ‘n’ roll!

Paul from the Bible said:

Had I really listened and discerned these 3 simple words, I might have understood earlier….if love is failing, it is not love.  Fighting harder does not produce love.  It either is, or is not.  There is no trying to love someone.  Lesson learned.

In my clearest moments, I know everything has come from and through what it must, in order for me to arrive exactly here.  If I had a chance to return to the past and re-do something, but it did not come with a guarantee of keeping the people and parts of life I love now, I am quite certain I would not risk it.   Although this kind of revelation confuses me, I would probably do it all….yes, ALL….over again….knowing it would hurt….knowing the cost….in order to preserve the precious, irreplaceable now.

That….does not seem very Smart!  I mean, choosing to subject myself to survive the very stuff that has taken every ounce of my determination, focus and love to overcome….CUCKOO for coco puffs, right!?  How could I willingly approach that kind of despair, where hope and joy are long dead and my only escape relies on fluky instinct?

Let’s ask the whales….

Here is an excerpt from Spiritanimal.info:

“The whale spirit animal is the earth’s record keeper for all time. As a totem, the whale teaches you about listening to your inner voice, understanding the impact your emotions have on your everyday life, and following your own truth.”

Whales are also commonly associated with emotion, inner truth, and creativity.  Additionally, they can be a symbol of holding wisdom, physical and emotional healing, valuing family/community, peaceful strength and communication.

WOW, wow, WOW!

Now we are getting somewhere!!

My icon this week has to be Mum’s Bible, where one of the oldest stories of WHALE vs HUMAN interactions, exists. It relays an awesome tale of a man trying to escape God’s will for his life.  He runs in the opposite direction God tells him to go, boards a ship to further the distance between himself and where God wants him to go, and this is when trouble hits.  A terrible storm suddenly appears, threatening the lives of everyone aboard the vessel.  The man eventually realizes it is his actions that have turned the weather deadly.

Here comes the good part….he convinces the captain to throw him overboard to appease the sea.  Reluctant, but afraid of capsizing, the captain tosses him into aggressive waves, certainly to his death.  But he does not die.  He is swallowed whole by a large fish….or whale….where he stays….not dead….just swishing around with other slimy, swallowed carcasses.  After 3 ‘days and nights’ of this dank and dreary experience, he is finally ready to go where God asks. The whale spits him out on land, and he finishes his original quest.

So why do I care about whales and old bible stories, and what does it have to do with US being Smart?

I can attest to running blindly in an opposite direction from where I probably should have gone. I have tossed myself at the mercy of the sea, rolling under wave after wave of blaming self defeat.  I have been swallowed up by a sickening black hole….been spat out on the shores of embarrassment….wiped slime from my reclaimed soul, to set my uncomfortable feet toward a path of renewal.

And then….just at the point where I could no longer remember the stench of the beast’s belly….my hope restored, and darkness vanquished by flooding light….my fear of rough waters abated…. I found myself staring into the mouth of another whale.  Except this time, it was not sent for me.  It swallowed my son.

Could I have done something different to change my son’s course?  Maybe a better question would be, could God have forced his prophet to do His bidding?

I guess the answer would have to be, yes.

A prophet, is not a puppet, with God at the end of the strings, meaning….we all have choice.  I could have done many things to help create space for my boy to be safe and happy in our pre and post whale homes; A failing he cited as the ultimate reason his young brain could not rationalize remaining with his family. His choice.

We all need choice, in order to be fully present….truly aware….taking full ownership of our lives.  Otherwise, we are completely helpless and need to blame someone else for our unhappiness.

I think the whales have taught me that we all get swallowed at one time or another.  Whether it is you, or a family member getting slogged about, it is temporary.  Whale time may seem like an eternity, but it ends when we are ready to move on to something more positive, more beneficial, more true to who we are meant to be.

Whale time is not fatal. It brings peace, and freedom, and beauty, and everything that is loved in the now.  So would I do Whale Time again?

You bet!

When I extend patience and grace to a son thrashing about in a foul pit, it keeps US as a priority.  If blind suffering must be, it would be Smart to get comfortable while waiting….and remember….and reflect.  Whale time is not wasted time….because I know where WE end up.  I know joy, restoration and rebirth waits for US after being plunked onto our future beach.

And it is Good.  And Sweet.  And Smart.  And True.

AJ