Week 1, Patience and the Locket

I am so excited to write my first blog post!  This is going to be a fun and rewarding 52 weeks, although I have to admit, I have some hesitations about going the distance.  I am a VERY good starter of projects….and a VERY poor finisher.   Let’s hope there are some others who decide to join me on this exploration of living maximized full and beautifully flawed lives, to help keep me on track!

This week starts my discovery of PATIENCE.  More specifically, it is about ME…. being patient…. with me.

The icon I have chosen to help remind me of my daily, ‘patience’ focus this week, is a gold locket I inherited from my mum.

Inside this locket, are 2 pictures.  One picture is of dear mum. The other photo is of my oldest boy, the first child who chose to be estranged from me. I thought they were both lost to me forever.  Cancer taking my mum and a very bad divorce taking my son.  I put both their faces in this locket as a way to remember loving moments we shared and to silently plead for their return into my life.  Okay, I am not suggesting to be waiting for a Lazarus-style resurrection, (a little weird after 24 years), although that is a common feeling in the denial stage of mourning a loved one.   I understand the physical separation death puts upon relationships, however, I believe the emotional connection is still very strong and vibrant.  This is why anger, sadness and pain take so long to process whenever relationships are severed.  This kind of trauma is attached to our emotional wiring, not easily recognized as needing healing. If it were a physical scrape or bruise, muscles or bones needing repair, ailments visible to our naked eye or an eye of a physician, we would know what to do. I don’t think we spend enough time thinking about our emotional hurts, and how to heal them.

Like physical wounds, emotional hurts need love, air and space (but mostly LOVE) to heal.  We can seek help for ALL our wounds, but we don’t.   There are a variety of options to help a healing process along, or options not to heal at all.  Some people decide to remain raw and sore, for years, sometimes decades.  Some ignore their emotional wounds, creating a build up of scar tissue so immobilizing, it can surpass the painful, initial impact of the original wound.

This is all part of my old story.  A saga that has gone on, and on, until I had enough moping, agonizing, crippling, lamenting moments, that were stealing my hope….stealing my joy….stealing my life, because I AM still living.  Since I know life can be cut short, I want my best life, now.  My best self, now.  I want a free, clear, honorable picture painted of the lady I am, but first, I have to BE that lady.  So if I want to be described as a patient lady, I must be patient.  Hah!  Imagine that.  Being what I want to be.  Acting how I want to act. Otherwise, it may say on my epitaph “Here lies that crazed, lunatic of a lady, who flipped out over little things!”

I have intentionally chosen to focus on more quiet, reflective, internally driven attributes for beginning this project, believing that any emotionally attached issues must first be resolved within, before being taken outward for a spin.  Which is also why each 4 week cycle starts with an internal examination of where I am at inside, and where I would like to be.

THIS WEEK’S FOCUS:  Me…. being patient…. with me.

Sounds simple, right?    Let the journey begin!

AJ