Week 14, Kindness With YOU

 

Hello to Week 14 of a 52 week long discovery of how to honour our lives.

I am so humbled and inspired by the comments from readers lately, I cannot thank you enough for your support in reading and for sharing reflections from your own, brave lives.

Thank you, thank you! 🙂

My icon this week is a pic of mum when I wanted to look JUST like her. Tell me if I succeeded.

So, how many are wondering how the ‘diet’ is going?

I am alive.

I have not eaten anyone.

And today, I feel good.  Good enough to hit that treadmill with my Ipad and some good ‘ol Netflix.  AND, I should have enough energy to get the snow off the driveway….again….before going to work.  The whirly white flakes looked lovely slowly falling to the ground while I watched from the front window, stretching and breathing in my focus for the day…..kindness……kindness…..

Last week was focused on being kind to ME, an admittedly flat week, void of a significant victory, except to know, more work is necessary for that topic.  It could be said of all my topics, more work is necessary, and never really over, as the whole point of discovering is to keep living in that knowledge; letting it change me, mold me, grow me…..like those tomato plants!

AS I start to think about what there is to learn about kindness toward the closest people in my world, or Kindness with YOU, I cannot help but think of those tomato plants.  The care it took to find a way to grow them successfully, getting advice, years of trial and error, and determination!  Tonnes of it.

Well, that is a bit like being on a diet…or being on a mission.  A mission to change your life, change your outlook, and change who you are.  Looks like I am doing that on the inside and the outside, currently.  And just like the learning and discovery should not end, neither should my diet.   In fact, one might challenge that it is not a diet at all then, it is more than that.  Ok….one reader did challenge it…which is why I am getting deeper into the heart of it now.

This year of blogging is not meant to change me for the moment, only to be forgotten after 52 weeks are complete.  This is designed to permanently impact who I am and what I am about.  Forever.

That does not sound like a dieters approach, which has a temporary implication attached to it.  I am blogging as though my life depends on it…..just like my body depends on what I give it to eat.  Since I am the only one deciding what to feed my brain, my heart and my body, I guess it makes sense to sync it all up and think long term.  Whatever changes I make, should serve me until the end, or why am I investing in them?

Seems like there may be a reason to mention here, that I do not mean I should never have spontaneous fun, or avoid crazy, spur of the moment things that strike fear into the long term planning committee that meets inside my head, but I will hopefully be able to expand on that in future weeks, when my focus will be on fun and creativity.

Another thing I am contemplating as this week starts, is how to continue to be genuine with my discovery.  Perhaps my ‘more than a diet’ has me thinking into this deeper context, as I consider potential ‘results’ and how to maintain them.

I am reminded of parenting with my middle son, when I was trying approach after approach to help reign in his unpredictable behaviours. He was almost 10 when I split from his dad, a welcome change for this little guy who felt wrath from his father in greater frequency than any of his siblings, almost equalling the wrath I recieved, but not quite. There were less ways for my ex to mistreat the children than there were for him to mistreat me, I made sure of it, except for that one time, which I promised to get back to….I did not forget…but it will still have to wait, sorry!

My son started standing up to his father from the time he could talk, and since spanking was one of the only acceptable forms of discipline, he got walloped….a lot. For one experimental year, the ex thought it wise to send both boys to a semi-private school, maybe to feel privileged or maybe because he distrusted my teaching, but off they went. Middle son was in Grade 1 then, and I kept homeschooling the girls.

He rightly disclosed to his teacher that his daddy had whipped him with a belt, which raised the alarm and a home visit with a proper government representative ensued.

I was caught in the middle. At no time did I ever want or feel it was necessary for that kind of punishment to be administered to any child, let alone my sweet child, but there was pressure to defend my spouse and his whacky reasoning, or pay the price later with my own punishment. So this lovely, strong government lady argued with my ex for quite some time, explaining the law and noting we would be monitored into the future. I felt like she left knowing there would be no change in his discipline methods, even though he eventually said he would no longer use a belt.

Brace yourself for this….HE LIED.

I felt abandoned and helpless, thinking no one was going to stop this from happening in my family, which I am sure felt even worse inside that tender brain of my son’s.

When I split from ex, I had no idea how I wanted to parent, except that spanking would not be an option. I know lots of parents are divided on this subject, but when coming from our violent background, you can understand my choice.

No spanking, so I replaced it with yelling. Haha! Kids are not scared of that, at least mine were not. They just screamed right back.

Plan B: I will ignore bad behaviour until it goes away….with kids evolving through emotional upsets, it never went away!

Plan C: Have another caring adult talk to them, and since one is volunteering, let my friend have a go. Good thing I debriefed with the kids after. Turns out, I did not agree with half of what she said. Our parenting values were very different. Yikes!

Is this starting to sound like growing tomatoes? 

Plan D: Regiment a program that records all actions and attitudes, giving them a numeric value, more points for desired behaviour, and less points for undesired behaviour. Add it all up at the end of the week to establish what level of priveleges would be allowed for that child for the following week. My whippersnipper son calculated how many awful days he could have in a week, in order to stay in the plus and gave me 2 1/2 angelic days a week. The rest of the time….I was tearing out my hair….or secretly laughing, because the kid had a crazy sense of humour, even when he was acting out.

But, I do not want to calculate my 52 Weeks in this kind of manner; only looking to see it through or get what I want for now. I do not want to temporarily diet and end up back right where I started before. It needs to be more, it has to be more….

I actually need to feast, but not with food. I am talking about a life feast, full of health, balance and faith, that never ends….

Enjoy your feast!

Second week of Kindness and high veggie content, starts…..now.

AJ