With tears streaming down my face, bittersweet is the sound of my fingernails clicking against familiar letters on a well used keyboard frame.  Finding 52….you have been good for me.

Half of me wants to ignore any kind of conclusion of Finding 52….denying an end has come to this miraculous exploration of self, terminating the incredible honour it has been to connect my life to Mum’s….flaws and all.  The other half of me is ready to break out some intense celebration; For accomplishing this reflective and regenerative feat, and defining how….all of this….gets to be….a life changer!

Wipe those tears, girl….let’s get to it!

On fire, you say?  Indeed.

At this point, writing has officially become the greatest passion I have….not surpassing my passionate love for Jesus, my hubby, or my kids….but it is highly ranked.

Finding 52 has identified 2 major themes which are central pillars in my writing:

Restoration.  I addressed this in my last post and have so much more to say in this regard.  I want to keep exploring how we respond to things that get torn apart in our lives….define the kind of patience and hope it takes to see an uncertain future fall into place….and confirm the courage it takes to allow joy to exist throughout each storm.

The second pillar is tackling the stigma and mystery shrouding victims of Domestic Abuse.  Combing through this quagmire consumed lots of my reflection during the early Weeks of Finding 52.  Slowly, my focus changed from dwelling on the traumatic hurts of yesterday, to the goodness showing up TODAY.  That….was a miracle in itself, but there is more! I was deeply afraid when beginning this adventure, of whether or not I could manage the darkness waiting inside old, painful memories.  Having battled many demons of depression and knowing they are fierce adversaries, I worried I could not keep engaging positively with the ones who count on me for love. The answer became clear.  I could.

I did.  The dark moments came….I wrestled and argued….blamed and excused….I released it ALL, only to grab hold of it again….releasing again, grabbing hold….repeat….while light quietly waited for an invitation to speak.  Its gentle warmth never blinded or surged in a desperate effort to reveal my flaws.  Its soft glow persisted each time I exhaled another sentence onto the keyboard.

Darkness does not win when I write, a power I did not know would arrive.

This. Is. Passion.

Passion like this has only come one other time in my life and has held top reign since I was 10 years old.  I did not anticipate anything uprooting my love for singing, but here it is.  I am drawn to writing.  Fed by it.  Lose sleep for it.  Find balance in it.  And purpose….so much purpose, that I can hardly wait to announce what is coming next.

My First Book!

A witty supervisor at work sent me an emoji that claps, after I expressed my concern over the lack of applause while I accomplish my tasks….so I am imagining the sound of many hands clapping as I reveal this exciting news. 🙂

Before I get too ahead of myself, no….there is nothing in print currently.  Or drafted.  Nor have there been any conversations about drafting a draft.  But did I mention I had passion?  The on fire kind?  And since one of my daughter recently described me as fearless….without a plan, or knowledge of process….I am proposing the following wishes to catch falling stars:

  1. Compile the Best of Finding 52.  Layer in the real time, real life scenarios that provided a context of general mayhem but could not be written about while they were happening.  Even now I am uncertain how much detail to include, wanting to preserve privacy and respect for my loved ones, so perhaps a fiction novel will also be in the works….stay tuned.
  2. Share my stories.  Out loud.  To those who need healing, and to the ones who help others heal.  To those who need freedom, and to the ones providing sanctuary.  To those who cry out in pain or loneliness, and to the ones who offer comfort.  My stories are ready to be told.
  3. Celebrate life with more music.  Singing, dancing, and producing fun music videos that make people smile.  Maybe even branch off into the Youtube world….how do people feel about some slick Finding 52 swag….AJ bobble heads and hummingbird fidget spinners….’Be Free’ tee’s and hoodies….okay, maybe the bobble heads would be taking it too far, but the music videos….?  Coming soon to a social media site near you!

Pipe dream?  Unrealistic?  Pie in the Sky?


But day dreams are my specialty….mattering not if they come true….dream, I must.  From the depth of my core these schemes churn, and also overflow if attempted to be contained.  It is self-preservation to run with these passions, even if I fail.  Failure is a far lesser risk to my health, than not running at all.

So….my Finding 52 Family and Friends, I am asking for your ears, eyes and minds.  If you discover a public opportunity for me to share my story, please refer Finding 52 or my name to the organizers.  I have no idea what kind of opportunities may be appropriate for my voice, but I am willing to find out….on FIRE willing.

I will still be posting from time to time, so please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, as I take these steps toward a new adventure.  Love willing, it will be a great one!